PHASES
by DayAndNightForYou
Summary: "You're mine, Quinn." Santana murmured, brushing the words across her jawbone as she arched her neck higher, inviting Santana to kiss her everywhere. "I know. You have me forever." What Quinn didn't know was that forever didn't exist for them. ONE-SHOT


Quinn sat facing the window, staring out dumbly at the cars rolling by the curb. The glass was frosted around the edges with the cold winter air, and she folded her hands in her lap and closed her eyes, drooping her head down.

The letter was in her hands, and so was her heart.

...

Even if I still love you, I think I would never be with you again. We spent a great time, don't get me wrong. But we all know that every phase comes to an end.

You and I had one of those love stories that are not easily forgotten. Our love was not necessarily intense, but it was very beautiful in every sense of the word; it was one of those relationships where you can be who you really are, where words often abound and where being together in silence never became uncomfortable or monotonous.

We were like that, we spent several springs and autumns walking the streets holding hands. I remember how sometimes we just stopped to drink a cup of coffee and to smile calmly at each other. We thought we were on top of the world. _I_ thought I was on top of the world with you.

We had plans, like all those who believe they have found the formula to make love last, and had built an imaginary future that would soon begin to take shape.

But life never stops, and I think we learned this lesson well and perhaps, in the worst way.

We never were those people who were adapting to change and we thought we could live deep in our bubble forever. But things changed, we changed ourselves and everything stopped working as well as before.

My love for you was still intact however.

You started your new job and I decided to study again. It seemed that we would make it, I really thought that we would make it, but we gradually began to separate our ways. And I could feel how your hand didn't hold mine as tight as before, your eyes never looked at me when you were saying 'I love you', even when your mouth was moving saying those words, I couldn't understand them.

It was as if from nowhere, we started to speak different languages. You said that you still wanted me but things were not the same. And I was so stupid, because the signs were always there. I guess I just didn't want to face it. It was there, with us in the room, in the air we breathed.

I remember the last time we made love, you turned around and didn't stay close to me. And I remember how I nodded with tears in my silly eyes, preparing for what seemed to be unsolvable.

You taught me that "forever" does not exist and that life is full of steps that must be completed with a face full of laugh and move on. That was how I understood months later, when I still wanted to call you and tell you that I got the job of my dreams.

But I never called you... and I knew even when my heart was hurting so much that I was doing the right thing.

In these years I have changed, not only physically but also mentally and spiritually. I am different; a new and more confident person. I've learned that your love was something ephemeral in my life, your love was the medium through which I learned about the temporality of things, the temporality of life and how we, as human beings, always think that someone at some point appeared to be the most important person in our lives when they're really not. And I knew you thought that, I knew that it was like that with you, but not with me. Because to me you were always my everything.

I have already said that there may still remain some of that love in me and if I see you again, I know my heart would start beating faster and faster as if I were running to hundreds of kilometers per hour. However, I would not tell you that. I would not tell you that maybe after all these years I'm still in love with you, Santana. Not even if your arms were around me holding me tight against your chest like you used to.

Less now when I have a son and a husband. Less when you thought that it was alright send me an invitation to your wedding in two weeks; and with the same person you told me over and over again that nothing was happening.

The same person...

The main reason as to why things are like this now.

Yes, you taught me valuable lessons that will stay with me for life, but the way you decided to show me the world it wasn't in the most delicate way and the most appropriate for me at that time.

Today I am another person, and probably you too. I haven't seen you in years, but I know that I would still recognize your eyes and hair, your smile with your adorable dimples, your lips and the way they always made me feel. But I know too, that if you start talking to me, soon I would realize that you are not today more than a stranger.

I love you, and the saddest part is that I know I always will; but you no longer exist in my life. You're just part of my imagination now. A gentle breeze from the past.

And now as I hold the invitation to your wedding, I think it is time to finally say goodbye to your memories.

This is not the end of something, this is the beginning. And I know that I will never know why I loved you like no one has ever loved another person before. You were my best friend, my lover, my girlfriend; and now you're just a memory.

A shadow of a memory of what once was.


End file.
